Life is too short to get stressed over leaves.

Thank you Jamie...  
Just a reminder to all the cooks.... When you're baking a pumpkin cake with a praline bottom, put the cake pans on a baking sheets. It helps to eliminate the burning on the bottom of your oven!

There is simply no such thing as a bad day at the beach.

Never take a bullet for anyone... If you have time to jump in front of the bullet, they have time to move!

Manicures are best done by professionals.

Make sure to anchor your bounce house. No one wants to be a bouncy house victim.

Borrowed from Facebook, but worth repeating... Cinderella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life.

Fried chicken is a powerful laxative.

Towels should be folded in thirds from left to right and then in half from top to bottom.

We all look dorky in pictures from when we were younger.

Lifting your arm to place the cookie in your mouth apparently is not considered exercise... Go figure!

There is no spoon.

No one ever drowned in their own sweat.

Consider choosing a path in which you earn a paycheck, but don't have any bills.

Slower moving vehicles move to the right.

Thanks Kristina, love this! Tell your money where to go. Don't ask it where it's been.

Leadership isn't always accompanied by a big paycheck or a fancy title.  It is however accompanied by empowering yourself and everyone around you to be the best that you and they can possibly be.

If you want to see a difference, you have to be willing to make a difference.

You don't have to like football to appreciate movies about football.

If you want to do something and are not sure how, chances are there are at least 100 people who have already done so successfully and have posted instructions online.

Consider wearing sneakers when going to any kind of expo.

Just accept the fact now, that at some point everything on your body will be sitting lower than where it once did.

It is a rare occasion that granulated sugar can be substituted for powdered sugar.

Consulting Cleo and her psychic friends network is probably not the best way to make a decision.

It is always wise to go out drinking on a night when you don't have to get up early the next morning.

When life gives you lemons... move to a place where citrus isn't so readily available!

Liking your own comments on Facebook could be considered narcissistic.

When being efficient, try not to sound curt. It's off putting. :(

Note to Sea World: "Killer Whales" can be deadly.

Always pay extra for priority seating.

Don't worry if the glass is half full or half empty.  Just drink what's in there and order another round!

Before pouring coffee into a styrofoam cup, check and see if there is a hole on the bottom of the cup.

If at first you don't succeed, give up.  Why would you subject yourself to the embarrassment multiple times?

Choosing the right toilet paper is an important decision that should not be taken lightly.

People are like elevators... they either lift you up or bring you down!

Aerosol is highly flammable.

Picking your nose can kill you.  Seriously... it was on Dr. Oz!

If your knuckles aren't white, your not really driving.

Repeat after me: "grades are more important than basketball."

When applying sunblock, it is important to do so often and evenly.

Invest in sturdy end tables.

If you're going to cuss someone out on Facebook, use proper grammar.  It's really not as effective when it is riddled with typos.

Taken from Your Ecards, but too good to pass up... "Everything happens for a reason, but sometimes things happen because you're stupid and make bad decisions."

Life doesn't run on excuses.

Never get baffled by your own BS.

Invest in clothes that have tags. It makes it easier to know when your shirt is inside out.

Life isn't like a box of chocolates... It's more like a jar of jalapenos.  What you do today might burn your ass tomorrow!

Sharpies are not meant for large coloring projects.

Instead of meatless Monday, try mindless Monday.

Make sure to check the toilet paper before sitting down and going. If not, be hopeful that there is someone in the stall next to you.

When operating a chainsaw, it is always a good idea to wear shoes.

It is better to have loved and lost then to live with a psycho for the rest of your life.

Discipline: Knowing you could buy any pair of shoes you want at Macy's and not doing it.

To all of the men and women who have paid the greatest price in the name of freedom, thank you.

Always be grateful if the AC breaks down after you had to run the oven all day instead of before you had to run the oven all day.

If you pull out in front of somebody, forcing them to slow down - please don't immediately thereafter start texting while you are "driving."

Maybe the homeless guys on the corner should hold up a sign that says "Will listen to your nagging wife for booze" At least then the booze would be understandable.

Repositioning is not advisable on automatic flushing toilets.

It's one thing to take in a stray cat. It's a whole other thing to take in a stray snake.

If you own your own business and have a magnet on your car, don't drive like a moron.

If you're not sure whether your curling iron is hot enough, don't touch it to find out.