It is better to have loved and lost then to live with a psycho for the rest of your life.

Discipline: Knowing you could buy any pair of shoes you want at Macy's and not doing it.

To all of the men and women who have paid the greatest price in the name of freedom, thank you.

Always be grateful if the AC breaks down after you had to run the oven all day instead of before you had to run the oven all day.

If you pull out in front of somebody, forcing them to slow down - please don't immediately thereafter start texting while you are "driving."

Maybe the homeless guys on the corner should hold up a sign that says "Will listen to your nagging wife for booze" At least then the booze would be understandable.

Repositioning is not advisable on automatic flushing toilets.

It's one thing to take in a stray cat. It's a whole other thing to take in a stray snake.

If you own your own business and have a magnet on your car, don't drive like a moron.

If you're not sure whether your curling iron is hot enough, don't touch it to find out.