People are like elevators... they either lift you up or bring you down!

Aerosol is highly flammable.

Picking your nose can kill you.  Seriously... it was on Dr. Oz!

If your knuckles aren't white, your not really driving.

Repeat after me: "grades are more important than basketball."

When applying sunblock, it is important to do so often and evenly.

Invest in sturdy end tables.

If you're going to cuss someone out on Facebook, use proper grammar.  It's really not as effective when it is riddled with typos.

Taken from Your Ecards, but too good to pass up... "Everything happens for a reason, but sometimes things happen because you're stupid and make bad decisions."

Life doesn't run on excuses.

Never get baffled by your own BS.

Invest in clothes that have tags. It makes it easier to know when your shirt is inside out.

Life isn't like a box of chocolates... It's more like a jar of jalapenos.  What you do today might burn your ass tomorrow!

Sharpies are not meant for large coloring projects.

Instead of meatless Monday, try mindless Monday.

Make sure to check the toilet paper before sitting down and going. If not, be hopeful that there is someone in the stall next to you.

When operating a chainsaw, it is always a good idea to wear shoes.